We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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