You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
