1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize