I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
