I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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