Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
