my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
