It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
