she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
