Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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