i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
