the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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