So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
