this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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