You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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