yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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