she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
