Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
