3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
