working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
