why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
