yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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