I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The feeling are messing with the penis
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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