You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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