dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize