I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
