i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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