Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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