Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
