He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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