Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
