Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
