if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
