You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
