saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
