she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize