she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
