On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
