We named our party play list daddy issues
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
