I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found the puke drawer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
