Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
