Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
