I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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