I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
