New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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