No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
