ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
