your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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