im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
