Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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