I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
