he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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