You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
