My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
