Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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