I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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