I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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