Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
