And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
