Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize