So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
