the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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