Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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