This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
