I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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