genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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