The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
