Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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