I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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