i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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