I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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