now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
