I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
