I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
