Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
