so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
