Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
