Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
