I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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