I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
