I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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