and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
