when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize