I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
