do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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